Yesterday, the Hollywood gossip machine exploded into a giddy Technicolor orgasm of Mean Girls-style, catty “I told you so dance” revenge. While the unspoken but strictly enforced rule of “never speak ill of another entertainment industry person” is seldom broken, it’s kind of like a high school dance: People wait just on the edge until someone has the guts to get up and start, then everyone quickly swarms in. And it’s fun to watch. Even more fun to take part.
So I will.
New York Times published a story called “This Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan In Your Movie.” The article tells the story of the newest Paul Schrader movie and the rather horrifying debacle of trying to get it shot. The subject of gossip for months, Paul Schrader’s movie is called “Canyons” and stars a beloved male porn star named James Deen and of course, a post-post-second train-wreck Linsday Lohan. While the stunt casting of a boyish, well-spoken, smart and politically active porn star would be hard to top, casting the uncastable, universally reviled, hard to look at cunt fart Lindsay Lohan was the one that got most people eulogizing the movie before they even shot a single frame.
Paul Schrader is known as the guy who directed or wrote a bunch of classic movies whose posters adorn the walls of the cool guys in your college dorm (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, American Gigolo). He’s not known for the many movies he’s directed or written since then, because most of them are boring, unwatchable or unreleased.
Lindsay Lohan is known for being a child star with much promise who then took that promise, used it as a barf bag and now looks old enough to be Deborah Gibson’s mother. Fuck that… she looks old enough to be Dina Lohan‘s mother.
James Deen… depending on whom you’re speaking to, is either the adorable porn star whose naturally handsome looks have earned him legions of fans, both male and female (and gay and straight) OR he’s the guy who showed up on CNN and MSNBC during the last election cycle to speak out against Measure B, the absurd and unenforceable vote to make porn stars wear condoms in porn movies shot in LA county.
I got such a huge kick out of this story.
Not because I think it was funny, anyone who’s tried their hand at the cat-herding, producer-pleasing and budget-meeting clusterfuck of trying to shoot a movie of any kind knows the hell of having your most important link also be your weakest. So I kinda feel for Paul Schrader, especially since he’s a guy who brought us some of the most iconic movies in history and has since become a washed up foot note.
Have you seen the prequel to The Exorcist that he thought would relaunch his career? Neither did anyone else. It was so bad the studio essentially axed it and called the cast back to shoot a new script with another director, leaving his movie unfinished until later when it was released to theaters for a couple weeks and then as a bonus feature on the DVD. That’s gotta hurt.
What I DID find funny, however, was the way the mainstream industry so clearly looks down on porn and dismissed the script as “pornography.” They got all high and mighty about even working with a porn star but then the article paints a picture of a bunch of narcissistic, over-rated, fading producers, a drunken, irresponsible, manipulative actress and a very reliable porn star.
Yes… James Deen was the only responsible adult, it appears, amongst a group of under-talented, under-funded and unsupervised brats.
Deen’s one “irresponsible” moment wasn’t showing up drunk, showing up late, being difficult, playing sick, throwing fits or being an asshole… it was taking a day to actually go work somewhere else (which, when you’re a porn star being paid $100 a day and $0 on the days you don’t and you’re NOT a millionaire like Lindsay or the rest of them… was probably more motivated by a need to pay rent and eat).
I wasn’t there, but the New York Times article portrays Lindsay Lohan as a manipulative bitch. Irresponsible, obnoxious and selfish. The people I know who know/knew her say the Times’ account of the events on set are “bang-on accurate.”
But she’s also a great actress. Or can be, anyway.
Given the choice of other actresses, Schrader bucked all advice to the contrary and cast her in the lead. Once firing her before production began, prompting her to fly to New York, bang on his hotel room door, crying and begging to be hired back. Of course, it was all an act. The moment production had begun, she was back to her old tricks and because of the paper-thin budget, she was also essentially unfireable.
Like I said, she’s a great actress.
But only when she’s sober and not hung over. So… probably not in much you’ve seen her in since Mean Girls. (HAVE you seen her in much since Mean Girls? I’m not sure I have.)
Stories from the set of Canyons (surprisingly not named after her vagina or the areas under her eyes) include her showing up late, exhausted, possibly still drunk; staying up partying with Lady Gaga until 5:30 AM when her call to the set was 6 AM; throwing fits and getting her “personal doctor” to make up ridiculous excuses like “inner ear infection” when she’s more likely just hung over.
And then there’s this TMZ audio recording of Lindsay screaming at James Deen to “do your fucking job” when she herself was seldom there to actually work. And when she was, she was too busy refusing to do the sex scenes which are the only thing anyone would actually go to see. So maybe she should take her own advice and do her fucking job. And leave the guy who’s job is actually fucking alone.
Lindsay Lohan is inexplicably still alive, but to be fair, her career as anything other than the name that gets uttered before the rim shot in a standup comedy routine is long dead. What you’re seeing now is just a zombie apocalypse.
So can we PLEASE drop this absurd notion that porn stars are lazy, hooked on drugs and irresponsible? Because while that may occasionally be the case, it’s clearly a lot more common in “real” movies.
And it was NOT the case here.
Jasun. Has. Spoken.
Great article, funny, comprehensive and interesting. As a porn actor whom is classically trained to degree level and would now find it impossible to do anything mainstream, this demonstrates that one of us CAN break through to proper cinema. Same goes for modelling, only a fraction of a percentage will make high profile work. I wish there wasn’t such a stigma but there is. I don’t take drugs, am 100% reliable and professional once on set, yet it’s these ‘brats’ who are more likely to influence younger generations. Backwards society much!
It surprises me that any actor that has been in the spotlight with so many drug problems can continue to get work while still looking like they’re literally sleeping on the sidewalk on a daily basis. I know many actors have cleaned themselves up tremendously, like Robert Downy Jr and i had really hoped that the stigma of a porn actor would not be as controversial as it apparently still is. I hate hearing how when someone who is clearly holding themselves above what the media expects of them and is shining brighter and doing way better than their counterparts but are they’re still criticized because of their past work. And the past experience isn’t even anything to be criticized about. To me that’s like never hiring a new staff member to a position because they had never done that job before and they did some other position beforehand. Everyone has had other positions before their current job and have different employment experiences. That’s like saying someone who has worked at Star Bucks for the past 4 yrs and were in college can only work at Star Bucks. Great article Jasun! Love your your thoughts on these type of media outlets too.
nuff said Jasun. Great post. But I can’t say that I’ll be watching anything she does. Just like I’ve boycotted some porn actors I’ll boycott hollywood actors as well.
Someone over on The Slog (I need to blow Dan Savage or get him a muffin basket or something for linking it) said that I took credit for the “premise” of the New York Times piece that the porn star was the more reliable one. So… in case anyone didn’t notice… that wasn’t the premise of the article, I did link it in the opening bit of mine and how about a nice mug full of Go Fuck Yourself?